The day Dax was born was exciting. We had waited a long 9
months for this day to come. Brady and I were asked to arrive at the hospital
at 4:30 am to prepare with things such as blood work, I.V’s and paperwork. We
dropped off Skyler and Emma to grandma Heywood’s house and were on our way to
the hospital. It was a very early morning yet we were so excited so it wasn't
bad at all. As we got to the hospital
playing on the radio was a song from a band called “The Offspring” which we thought was ironic and gave us a good
laugh as we were about to start this adventure.
We were underway with preparations and the time came for this baby to be
delivered. Dax was a scheduled C-Section so I knew what to expect and I felt
like I was prepared. Dr. Langer was a
great doctor and she took really good care of me preparing me to deliver this
precious baby. As I lay on the table the
doctor asked if I was “ready for this?” and allowed me to watch the birth of my
sweet little baby boy. This is a moment I will never forget. Such a
sweet, tender, spiritual moment to see my son come into the world and to see
his beautiful face for the first time. This
really was such a magical moment for me. The nurses then took my sweet baby (as
normal) to check him over and clean him up while the doctor finished her job
helping me. I listened to Dax cry as I
anxiously waited for my husband to bring my sweet baby over to me. Finally, I
got to see him again and I was so happy to be able to touch him and stroke his
sweet little face. I couldn't hold him
yet because the doctor was still working on me and I knew that it would be a
little bit because with my other two babies I knew I had to wait until I got
back to my recovery room to get to hold my newborn. In my opinion this part of delivery always
takes the longest because I’m just anxious and excited to hold my baby.
While the nurse was checking Dax over she noticed that his
breathing seemed a little too quick and it was in such a state that they wanted
to take him to the nursery to watch and observe him – just as a precaution. So
before I was finished in the surgery room my sweet husband Brady had to take my
baby away to the nursery. This was different. This had never happened before. I
didn't know what to think other than I was anxious and bummed that I couldn't
hold my baby. But, they seemed to think that it would only be for a little
while so I was okay with that – as much as I could be. I thought that I would
see him soon and besides, the doctor was just finishing up with me. The surgery
was completed and the nurses took me to my recovery room. This was different. This never happened
before. All I could think was “Where is
my husband? - - Where is my baby?” The
nurses settled me into my room and I was left alone: tired, worried and anxious
to see my baby wondering what was going on. Apparently the wait was long
because I fell asleep and awoke to my husband coming into the room – but without
Dax. My sweet little baby was still having trouble breathing and it was still far
too quick that his nurses wanted to keep an eye on him so he was not allowed to
leave the nursery. My heart was just broken,
I felt so helpless that all I could do was cry. I felt like Dax was just ripped
away from me and I couldn't see him or be with him or help him in any way.
Time just kept dragging on and there was no change in his
condition. Four hours after Dax was born the nurses came in to tell us that
they had determined that Dax would need to me taken to the N.I.C.U. These are
words that no parent ever wants to hear. This was such difficult information to
hear and again all that I could do was cry. The nurse agreed to bring Dax into
me for a minute while on his was from the nursery to the N.I.C.U. Finally!
This is when I got to hold my sweet baby: My perfect, precious, tiny
little baby. My arms just ached to hold
him forever and take this pain away from him.
But as I held him in my arms I understood why they were taking him to
the N.I.C.U. It just broke my heart to
see him struggle for air. I only got to hold him for a minute: A sweet precious
minute. Little did I know at the time
but I wouldn't get to hold him again for two days. Brady and I were left alone –
no baby and scared for our little boy.
The doctors put Dax on oxygen while in the N.I.C.U. hoping that it would
help him and we continued to wait and wait and cry and wait. We hoped for progress but Dax needed some
real help. This perfect day had turned
out to be extremely difficult. The only thing that helped was my mom bringing
my other two children, Skyler and Emma up to see me. At least I could hold them and kiss them in
this difficult time.
Unfortunately, there was no improvement with Dax and the
doctors decided that it was necessary to give him a medicine called “surfactant”
that would help open up the air sacs in his lungs. Then with this medicine they also put him on
a ventilator. With the two this would
hopefully get his breathing under control. He was having difficulty breathing
because he was born with stuff in his lungs like ‘pneumonia’ and he was
fighting off an infection. This was all discovered and all happened early the
next morning. I was just exhausted
physically, mentally, emotionally and I just prayed that my baby boy would be
okay. As soon as I was able to get out
of bed I wanted to be in the N.I.C.U. with Dax. I wanted my baby. I was still so sore from my delivery but I
tried to be by his side as much as I physically could and I would “over-do-it”
many times just to be with him.
The first time seeing Dax on the ventilator was really
hard. He had so many wires and tubes
attached to his little body. Again, I
cried. It was frightening to see him this way – but I was so grateful that the
nurses and doctors knew what they were doing. I couldn't hold him in this state
but I could touch him and put my hands on his chest and on his arms and legs. With
each visit I stayed with my baby until my pain meds wore off and I literally
couldn't sit here any longer and had to have Brady take me back to my room.
This was how our time was spent in the hospital. Brady would help me into a wheel chair and roll
me down to see my baby where we would stay with him for a few hours until my
pain was back and I had to go back to my room and rest. I hated it. I wanted to
just stay there with my sick little baby but I had no choice, I had to heal
too.
One of the lines attached to Dax was called an “arterial
line” which allowed nurses to give him meds directly into his artery. Because
of this line we still couldn't hold him - as a precaution. We were told that it could be dangerous for
him if that line was hit wrong or accidentally pulled out. Dax was taken off the
ventilator later the second day and was put on an oxygen machine to help
strengthen his lungs and he was given an antibiotic to help him fight the
infection he was fighting.
The morning of day three as Brady and I wheeled into the
N.I.C.U. we were pleasantly surprised to find that they had removed his
arterial line and we could now hold our baby.
I just about jumped out of that wheel chair! Oh what a great day! Dax was still attached to many tubes and
wires but I got to hold my baby. Really hold him. I held my sweet little Dax and just cried, I
was so grateful to have him, to take him in, my poor sweet little boy was still
so sick but he was on the mend doing better and better. At the time I felt so helpless but at the
same time I have never felt so blessed to be born in this day and age of modern
medicine which allowed him to be with us and survive this fight. All I could do
was hold him, bond with him in my arms, tell him I loved him, and pray for the
best. I was happy to do it.
Dax was able to eat for the first time on day four. I tried
to breast feed him for the first time but he didn't do too well because he was
still weak and we had to resort to a bottle.
He did okay with his first feeding but ended up spitting it up because
of the tubes and oxygen that he was still on.
The second feeding later this day was a better success and he kept every
drop down. Things were doing better each day and each hour but he did have to
spend quite a few days in the N.I.C. U. on oxygen. Dax also had a slight case of jaundice at the
same time in the N.I.C.U. so while he was in the process of strengthening his
lungs they also put him under the “bili” lights for a few hours. Thankfully it
wasn't anything major.
I was discharged from the hospital on day four and while Dax
was doing a little better we still had to leave him there. I had a very
difficult time leaving my baby in the hospital. It was the hardest thing I've
ever had to do. However, Brady and I came up to see our sweet baby every day
and we would stay with him for a few hours.
It was hard not to be there 24 hours a day but we had to also take care
of our little Skyler and Emma as well - who had not yet even met their baby
brother. The only comfort was being able
to see him for those few hours daily and knowing that he was in good hands day
and night.
This is how things went for us for several days. Day ten
when we got to the hospital we found that while Dax was still on oxygen he was
moved from the heavy flow machine to a low flow machine. This was great news as
it was one step closer to bringing him home. We were just aching to bring him
home and had even asked about bringing him home with oxygen but his doctor seemed
to think that just a few more days would do the trick and we could be fine
without it all together.
Day eleven Dax had his “room air” trial and was taken off
oxygen for the first time as a test. He did pretty well but had to go back on
the oxygen later that day. We left his car seat that day at the hospital so the
nurses could do an oxygen text on him while sitting in his seat.
Day twelve was finally “THE DAY”. We got a call that morning from a nurse in
the N.I.C.U. asking us when we could pick up our baby. I thought my heart would
jump right out of my chest I was so excited to bring him home. The only bummer
was that I also had my two week check-up with my doctor and Dr. Langer just
happened to be running behind in her appointments that day. Oh how I wanted to
just run out of her clinic and just reschedule it all but I was so done with
going to the hospital that I just accepted it and waited for my turn. I toughed it out and ran next door to my
awaiting husband and baby Dax. We were FINALLY bringing him home!!! I changed Dax into his little red romper and
loaded him into the car sear. I FINALLY had my baby home, I FINALLY got to
introduce Skyler and Emma, I FINALLY had my family together and it was the
sweetest most precious moment in the world. I am so blessed and glad to have
these wonderful people in my family. I love them all so much.
Dax had a rough start in this life but now he is doing
beautifully at home. He is thriving and
growing in both height and weight. He is
doing so well and he is such a joy to have in our home. I sure do love this
sweet little wonderful boy.
